Show Business

Show up for yourself – these are the words written in an article by my favorite blog writer, Glennon Melton of www.momastery.com (so worth checking out!) It’s rather ironic timing as I have been trying to find my muse for writing a new article.  Glennon was on vacation and I was not feeling passionate about any particular subject, and low and behold, her first full article after her vacation inspires me.  So, she is the Scarlett Johansen to my Woody Allen; except I don’t really believe I am Woody Allen.

Show up for yourself; how do you do that?? I mean, how does a mother of two little ones living in a foreign country on maternity leave do that? How does someone in today’s society really do that?  With all the quotes I see posted by my friends on Facebook lately, I noticed the predominant theme is about change – to change us for the better.  But if we aren’t showing up for ourselves, how do we know that we do need to change; what do we need to change; why do we need to change?

I think we all have our own triangle representing three versions, of ourselves; three persons, if you will.  The first is the person we think we should be – configured by our tastes and desires which are influenced by friends, family, media, etc.  The second is the person that lies beneath like a pearl in an oyster:  beautiful, rare, and filled with glorious gifts that either we are in denial of their existence or we are too scared of exposure for criticism.  Then the third is the person who does the breathing in and out every day; the conductor of our daily lives and perhaps of the lives of other people around us.  So, when we show up for ourselves, which self are we showing up for truly? 

We seem to be a world caught up in the constant improvement of who we are.  If we are not the look, weight, status or profession that mainstream finds desirable then we are given all kinds of information and ways to change that.  My friend, an English teacher, and I were discussing the word unique lately and how it cannot be improved upon with a superlative, because it is a superlative.  There cannot be something more unique, because unique is already at its prime.  Just like something cannot be more perfect.  Yet, there are those who would have us believe that there is something as more perfect.  We are told there is a more perfect version of ourselves, but truly there is not! We are the perfect version and we are in our prime.  We do not need to improve ourselves! Maybe showing up for the self that is only acceptable to other people is not really showing up for us.  How can doing superficial changes to please anyone other than us be best? 

The person who is doing the daily run of our lives must be far too busy to show up for one more appointment. As a woman and mother, I find that I am very low in my line of thinking when I am running around during the day taking care of my house, husband and children.  I think it becomes instinctive to bump your place in line when you become a parent.  While I can once or twice a week work actively to give myself priority for five minutes for a cup of quiet coffee and reading, or go for a long bike ride with my little one in her bike seat, it does become a challenge to actively show up for myself completely.  I mean, hey, I do well to remember if I brushed my teeth or washed the conditioner out of my hair, when I have time to shower.

So this leaves us with the person we hold within.  The part of us that holds all the gifts we have to offer.  The gifts we have been talked out of revealing to the world out of fear that they won’t measure up, will be rejected, laughed at, jeered or, even worse, fail miserably.  Perhaps we have gifts we aren’t even aware of – like a buried treasure.  I think there was a singer a few years back on Britain’s Got Talent that just one day tried to sing and turned out he had a voice rivaling Pavarotti.  While I would LOVE to sing opera, I doubt that is my hidden gift.  But I do believe that I, maybe like you, must have something that is unique and special that will make the world a better place.  Hell, at least it will make us better people. 

Show up for yourself - we have to do this now! There will be a time when we are no longer on the earth and we cannot wait until then to show up for what mattered most to our souls and spirits.  We owe it to ourselves – our innermost, unique, one-of-a-kind selves.  How do we show up for ourselves?  We try, as hard as we possibly can, to take time to think about US – nobody else – but only US.  We think long and hard about what our heart and child-version of us within really wants for US.  I will not think that if I looked like Catherine Zeta-Jones, had Oprah’s fortunes, and had every label of expensive merchandise to wear, drive and live in I would be the best version of myself.  I will work to be the truest version of me that I can be so that I am the best version of a person for myself and, by extension, my family and friends.

The world can beat us down into submission, where the materialistic self is born.  As children we had dreams and aspirations that were limitless.  Let’s revisit these because they lie within our beauty hidden within.  Let’s show up for ourselves – and make the tapestry of the world a far less monotone masterpiece.

What I Know....

The other day a dear friend wrote “What are the facts, and what am I assuming?” On the last page of every O Magazine publication is Oprah’s article “What do I know for sure?” Ironically, I received my recent issue in the mail on the same day as I read my friend’s Facebook status.  This caused an interesting ping-pong tournament in my head. 

We have constitutions and other documents for our countries, we have laws written, maps drawn, we know the alphabets and numbers – but outside of that, what do we really know?  This is when the answer came to me – it depends on what your source of wisdom is.  For some people, their hearts, souls, spirits and faith are their source of what is true in the world.  For others, it is the absolutes in numbers, laws, and science.  Maybe we aren’t one or the other, but shades of both.  It is in these sources that we are given confidence and certainty that lead us to what we know.

In assuming we trust and have faith in uncertainties and unknowns – we have hope in things where perhaps there is no source of knowledge or proof.  I think this where faith comes in most.  I suppose there are people where what they know and what they assume are based on the same source.  I was not sure where I was on the spectrum.  So, I sat down and wrote what I believe I know and what I assume. 

Here is what I know:

§  God loves everyone

§  Gravity usually wins

§  Evil does breed more evil

§  Cancer does not care about your age or status

§  People are impressionable and sensitive

§  I never knew or understood love until I met my husband

§  I never understood pure joy until I had my children

§  My children are more beautiful and precious than I ever thought humanly possible

§  It is ok to check that your baby is breathing when he/she is asleep.

§  You never understand your mother until you are a mother yourself

§  Working 80-90 hours per week for your job will never prepare you for motherhood

§  Working 80-90 hours per week because it is necessary to get work done and because it is expected is the pure definition of insanity

§  If anyone in your life is toxic, cut them loose

§  Hockey players can be the best brother-figure a girl could ask for

§  A friend who will drive a U-Haul truck across the country and help unload your furniture is a friend worth keeping

§  The test of marriage potential in your partner is how you are together on a road trip

§  If all you want is a job title but are unwilling to do the work, then you don’t deserve the job and you are probably not following the right path.

§  You should be active in fitness – it allows you to have a relationship with your body and understand it better.

§  Taking walks with your husband helps keep the communication open.

§  Microwaves really aren’t necessary

§  If you find a quick fix to a serious problem, then you probably have not solved the problem

§  There is such a thing as reading too many books or seeing too many movies – keep in touch with reality

§  Nature is more beautiful than material possessions

§  Have the courage to do something you desire without seeking approval

§  If it rains, things get wet 

 I am assuming that:

§  The weather reporters and market analysts have the forecast correct – at least for the current day

§  My money is safe in the banks

§  Other people in Germany understand my broken German

§  The love I put out is given back

After writing all of this down, I realize that I know more than I thought.  I had to look deep within my heart and mind, but the knowledge was there. 

Maybe the answer to what we know and assume is only within ourselves and cannot be duplicated or carbon copied to another person.  I am never 100% certain of anything outside of my husband and children, so I will continue to seek for what I know and what I assume and the wisdom to know the difference.

The Wizard of Moms

Growing up I loved to read any book that took me into new worlds.  My favorite book, and movie, was “The Wizard of Oz”.   I found the story magical and captivating.  I must have read the book fifty times and seen the movie over one hundred times.  Like many girls, I wanted to be Dorothy with the ruby slippers and sing and dance with the munchkins. Now, as a mother, I wish I could be one of Dorothy’s travel companions on her journey to see the Wizard: The Scarecrow, the Tin Man, and the Cowardly Lion.   I like to imagine that now the Wizard would be servicing mothers in helping them with what they need in order to be a good mom. 

Upon making it to the Emerald City, I would need to decide on asking for a brain, a heart or for courage.  Pregnancy made me go into a parallel stupidity universe that I have yet to emerge.  I remember when I was pregnant with my firstborn and getting off the bus to go to the flat my husband and I had at the time.  I stood there for a long time looking at the buildings and totally not remembering where we lived.  Fortunately, a neighbor walked by so I followed him.  I knew he knew where he was going.  Nowadays I do well to remember if I brushed my teeth, what day of the week it is, or if I washed the shampoo out of my hair.  Yes, a brain would come in handy.  However, being a bit brainless has made me rather humorous to my children.  They revel in my ditsy, Jim Carrey-like faces or my spontaneous disco moments.  I think a mother is reversed perhaps not into stupidity, but into a more child-like mind.  So, maybe my brain is better left out of my head for a few more years.

The cruelest part of mothering is the fact that we are the bad cop.  We are the enforcers of rules and discipline and have to be the instigators of many sad tears on our children’s precious faces.  I think our hearts go along with our brains and take a leave of absence.  I think if my heart were any more present than it already is, I would fail miserably at instilling the parameters and boundaries my children need because I would cave every time I would see their little angelic mouths start to frown. 

Courage is defined by John Wayne as “being scared to death but saddling up anyway”.  That is what being a mother truly is - a terrifying role, but one you have to take on daily whether you are ready or not.  Courage is what I would ask the Wizard to grant for me.  I am constantly looking for the courage to do what is best for my kids.  It’s amazing how quickly you can see the mistakes you make as a parent.  I often wish for a time machine so I can go back and get a ‘do over’ on many situations where I did not have the courage to do what my instincts told me.  There are so many voices of advice coming at you when you have children and you start to doubt yourself and lean more on these outside voices.  The problem turns into the voices drowning out your own voice.  I want the courage to follow my own voice. 

I also wish for the courage to allow my children to grow into themselves, being individuals, rather than any mold I may think they need to fit into.  I hope they always feel safe to express themselves and encouraged to be anything they want to become.  I hope I never discourage their creativity or ambitions.  I pray that my voice never drowns their instincts.  I hope I can push them when needed and pull back when necessary.  I will need strength to have conversations that are awkward but essential in their well being and safety.  I wish for resolve to move from aviator to navigator as they grow up and become self-sufficient. 

My hands will need to be brave to let go and let them fall down – both figuratively and literally. My arms will need the strength to let them go from our home to wherever their pursuits may take them.  My tongue will need audacity as I say what needs to be said, and to stay silent when it is not my business anymore.  My heart will need the nerve to allow them to fall in love and have families of their own. Most of all, my head will need to be strong as I move from being the president of the family’s child raising business into retirement.

As the Wizard of Moms grants me my wish for courage and I click my heels together three times to return home, I carry my medal of courage with me.  I hope that I keep it near me every day as I jump into the saddle of motherhood – not for my sake, but for my children.  This is my promise to them that I hope and pray my brain and heart never forget.

The Civil War

I have travelled a bit and have had the pleasure of good conversations with interesting people along the way.  Years ago, I was at the end of a very long overseas flight and was finally on a connection from Chicago to Dallas.  I was fortunate enough to be in first class, which I have only had the pleasure of a few times in my life.  There was a seemingly nice family sitting across the aisle from me.  The mother and father were doting on their four year old boy, who, at the time, was sitting quietly as we awaited our take off.  The father and I took up a discussion on some topic, I forget now, but then it quickly turned to their son and how advanced he was and what schools he was attending to assure he remained advanced and gifted.  The mother stated that he was learning Japanese and French and had just started violin lessons.  It was apparent to me that impressing a stranger with their feats in parenting was extremely important to them.  As the flight went on, the food cart came out, as did the little devil within their boy – as it always does with little boys.  He saw that there was chocolate milk and became rather vocal, with extreme volume, that he also wanted chocolate milk.  The mother was shocked, stating that he has never had chocolate.  In that moment, it was more important to her to state she had not given her son chocolate, than it was to calm him down.  The flight attendant was waiting on the people two rows ahead of us, but due to this boy’s outburst, the attendant leaned over the cart and handed the father a carton of the coveted chocolate milk.  When the meal cart came along, the parents chose the fish plate for their gifted son.  As you can imagine, he was just as vocal in his protest of the fish and green beans with rice.  He jumped up in his chair and started hitting the head of the man in front of him and then threw the plate down on the floor, causing it to throw the contents on the other passengers, and loudly demanded McDonald’s.  The mother, again more worried what others thought of her parenting skills rather than apologizing, went on to say he had never had McDonald's and she did not know where this was coming from.  Now, you and I know that there is not a four year old on the planet that would ask for something out of having no experience with it.  What we also can ascertain from this story, is that teaching this boy advanced languages and skills was taking precedence over simple skills in civility.

The current rage in parenting is all things French.  Pamela Druckerman’s new book “Bringing up Bébé" sheds light on the contrasting methods of parenting in France versus the U.S.  In reading this book, I found it to be quite similar to the methods in Germany.  One section, in particular, discusses what Ms. Druckerman refers to as the “four magic words”: please, thank you, hello and good-bye.  The French government runs the preschool programs and this teaching is in every curriculum across the country. She goes on to explore the importance France places on children and adults acknowledging each other with the civility of saying “Good day” when coming across each other.  Living in Germany, I have found this to also be very important.  Children will say either “good day” or “hello” when riding their bikes down the street upon seeing me taking my kids for a walk.  If you go to a doctor’s office, upon entering the waiting room, you always say “good day” and when the doctor calls you in, you say “good bye” when you exit the waiting room.  You say this to everyone you come in contact with – no matter to status or occupation. Ms. Druckerman describes that in France, this is to show the utmost respect.  The book further explains that it allows children to be acknowledged as people as well – not only teaching children to respect adults, but for adults to respect them as well.  I believe that is the root of the practice in Germany, and perhaps other countries in Europe. 

My mother often says that she believes the end of children showing civility towards adults began when they were allowed to address adults by their first names, rather than surnames.  An article titled “10 Questions on Jane Austen” was written about Jane Austen’s writings and described in detail the practice she had in always referring to the parents of her matriarchs by Mr. and Mrs., possibly because she felt writing their names would remove their power.  So perhaps our laid back approach to our children with our “Just call me Joe” attitude is lowering our ranks from general to private. The less powerful, revered, and respected we are, the less our children can treat us with manners.  Perhaps this, along with the abolition of cordial greetings of “good day”, is what has lead to our current society’s demise.

In today’s culture, parents have brought competitive parenting to a new level.  It’s not just about sports as it was when I was a kid.  Parents do everything possible to make sure that their kids are in the most prestigious and expensive schools and are enrolled in every curricular activity imaginable in order to mold the children into being a master of everything and the ideal candidate to Ivy League colleges and high paying jobs later in life.  A man I used to work for once stated that trying to be a master of everything usually yields the result of being a master of nothing.  Perhaps all this education being fed to children like spoons heaped with food, needs to be dwindled down to basics.  Sure, it’s nice to have a child who can speak many languages while playing the violin and riding a horse while playing hockey, but if a child cannot be civil, then what’s the point?

This goes beyond children behaving rudely, as they had to learn this from the adults in their environment.  Adults are taking insulting behavior to new lows, it seems.  This goes back to what I said about entitlement in my other article, “The Age of Entitlement”.  People will be rude if it serves their purpose.  It’s a lot easier to be rude to someone you cannot see, so if you are removed from acknowledging another person’s existence, then it becomes easier and easier to be uncivil to strangers.  Think about how irritated we are with people on the telephone, especially after being on hold for an inordinate amount of time.  We cannot see the customer service person, how our belligerent behavior makes their eyes well up with tears and their smile turned to a grimace.  Again, we forget that this person is, in fact, a person with a story and history and could be having a terrible day, and we have made it worse by behaving heartlessly.   However, if we would rewrite the script of our culture and make it a rule of etiquette to cordially wish everyone a good day and good bye as we come in contact with them, then maybe our heartlessness would morph into something more dignified.

A friend traveling on holiday witnessed an incident which reminded me of a similar situation I encountered when I was eight months pregnant with my firstborn. My husband and I had taken the train to attend a lunch for me and the baby downtown to my office.  Upon coming home, our train was packed and there were no seats available.  We were told to go to the first class cabin because a pregnant woman is entitled a seat anywhere.  While the train company felt this way, their passengers, unfortunately, did not.  I walked up and down the aisles looking for a seat without success.  So, my husband and I sat on the steps outside the upstairs of the first class cabin.  We were very entertained by these lively fourteen year old boys who were shocked that no one would give up their seat for me.  They even spoke loudly about their disapproval in the hopes someone would hear and feel guilty enough to give up their seat.  While nobody ever took pity on me and my eight month bump, my heart was warmed by their manners.  So I refuse to believe we cannot win the war in civility and will pay attention to my actions and especially the actions of my children.  I hope my kids grow up to be like these boys as living proof that there are still some civil children  in the world.

Soul Interrupted

Do you ever get to the end of your day and are hit with the reality that your day was designated to everyone else but you?  Usually, the first thing that comes to mind when we wake up is what time it is and the second is the fear that we are late for someone else.  Often we are at the demands of others.  Whether it is our children, spouses, partners, or the deadlines and expectations of our careers, we easily fall into a routine of neglecting our own demands and needs.  When we make our to-do lists, usually others take top priority and we are at the bottom, if we make the list at all.  So, what do we need to do to get bumped up to first?

As children we are encouraged, enabled, in fact, to be self-centered and strive for our ambitions.  We are the one and only priority on our to-do lists.  Yet, somewhere along the way there is a paradigm shift.  As we enter adulthood armed with our education, diplomas, certifications, etc., we move to the end of the line.  Our daily ambition to be self-centered gets interrupted.  Even as I write this article, I am interrupted by my bosses – my children.  As my children take center stage, once again, to my focus and concentration, I wonder what interrupts our ability to be at center stage in our own focus and concentration.  What interrupts our inner-selves and souls? 

Of course, being interrupted by my little angels is par for the course of being a parent and is totally what I signed on for.  Just as it is when we take our jobs.  But as we coast along in our positions as parents and employees, we forget to put on the brakes and breathe.  If you are like me, you over think everything and get swallowed up by striving to meet the expectations you and others put on you to do the best job you can.  While this is admirable and rewarding, whether we have little angel bosses or a CEO, there is nobody striving to meet our demands.   If we are always thinking of others, and the others are always thinking of themselves, then who is thinking about us?  We have to find a way to retrace our steps in life and get back to some basics in order to take priority in our lives.  I love the movie “The Holiday” when the charming Eli Wallach and the gorgeous Kate Winslet have a conversation that allows Kate to come to the realization that we need to be lead actor in our own lives, not a supporting actor.

In order for me to be a lead actor in my life, I need to make some changes.  While the larger changes are something that will take time, I have found there are some minor changes I can make in order to reconnect with what sustains me.  As a kid growing up in Texas - the state where the weather is hot and hotter – I was always outdoors and in motion.  I would dance in ballet or on a drill team, I was a cheerleader, and was always finding a chance to go swimming and bike riding.  As a teenager, one of my favorite things to do was go for long bike rides along the country roads that ran north of where we lived.  I would go for long stretches along beautiful scenery and would just feel completely connected to my core.  Later, before landing my coveted role as wife and mother to Team Katzenberger, I would do yoga almost daily or run outdoors or on a treadmill to train for a marathon.  Now that I have been swept up into the amazing worlds of my dear prince and princess, it’s been a bit difficult for me to find time to keep in motion save for running after my kids up and down the stairs and doing baby swimming classes.  My fortune of living in Germany is that everyone here bike rides everywhere.  So my darling husband and children gave me a beautiful bike for my birthday.  Now, I can strap my little one into a bike seat and do a nice long ride around the countryside where we live and, once again, reconnect to my core.

Maya Angelou wrote “Make every effort to change things you do not like. If you cannot make a change, change the way you have been thinking. You might find a new solution.” I don’t think our bosses and demanding schedule eaters are going away anytime soon.  So, we must think outside the schedule in order to revamp and edit to allow us more soul time.  I don’t mean watching endless hours of television or movies, because this is something in which we are not always cognitively engaged.  I mean, what makes us feel like we are the only person in the world, what makes us smile without even realizing it, and what makes us feel energized and alive?  I challenge myself and all of you to go down memory lane and revisit what connected you to your soul.  Upon finding these answers, pen in some much needed time in your busy schedule for you and your past self to get reacquainted.  

Remember, you have to come first for the rest of your world to work.  Just as a building cannot be built upon a weak foundation, or why adults have to put their oxygen masks on first before their children’s’ (or bosses), you have to put you first in order to help others effectively.   I hope to see all of you at the Academy Awards as we take the Oscar for best lead actor in our lives!

What Lies Beneath

Follow me down a path, if you will.  Take out a piece of paper and write the words “I am” at the top of the page.  You don’t have a paper and pen readily available?  We will wait….   Ok, now that you have your pen and paper and have written down the words “I am” at the top, you get to brainstorm.  No, this is not a religious exercise, though it will involve your spirit.  Write down all the descriptions of you that come to mind.  Do not over think this.  Write down everything, be it a word or a sentence that you feel describes you.  If you were to paint a picture of you to someone, how would you describe you? 

Are you finished with your exercise? Now, look over your paper and take a bit of inventory.  How would you tally up your comments?  Are they predominantly negative or positive?  Maybe I am not the only one who had this result, but mine were heavier in the negative remarks than the positive ones.  If you are like me, are you wondering why as well?  How do we get to a point of focusing on ourselves in such a manner?  I believe it is because we are liars.  We are liars to ourselves, to our spirits.  We are so quick to convince ourselves that our makeup consists of such negative propaganda.  I am rather certain that if we asked our closest loved ones to describe us, they would not use such pessimistic words. 

Take a look at this old Cherokee proverb:

An old Cherokee is teaching his grandson about life. “A fight is going on inside me,” he said to the boy. “It is a terrible fight between two wolves.  One is evil – he is anger, envy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, and ego.” He continued, “The other is good – he is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion, and faith.  The same fight is going on inside you and inside every other person too.”  

The grandson thought about it for a minute and asked his grandfather, “Which wolf will win?”  The grandfather simply replied, “The one you feed.”

We often believe the words of the loudest voice in our lives, and who is louder than our inner self?  Here is our question, the ones like me - the liars, which voice do we feed?  We could have a rather lengthy explanation for how we got here. We can say the media, society, our culture, our childhood, our families, our ex-loves and our ex-friends have helped fuel the fire of our inner deconstruction.  Because that's what all of this is:  the deconstruction of what makes us beautiful people inside.  Maybe we all started out in life listening to the good wolf, but as our lives and brutal challenges and people came about, the good wolf grew quiet.  Yet, if we all came by boat, plane, train, or car to the same destination, it really doesn’t matter how we got here, but rather where do we go from here?  Which wolf do we continue to feed?  Are we surrounded by people who feed the evil wolf as well?  Perhaps their evil wolf has also won the battle.  Do we set ourselves up to be in situations that will give the evil wolf more voice over work in our heads?  Maybe once we work on silencing the evil wolf, he will become obsolete.

In a marketing class in college, I was taught about how grocery stores market their cereals.  The highest price items are on the shelf that is at eye-level or the shelf above.  The lower priced items sit just below, and the generic, low-grade items are on the bottom shelf.  The bottom shelf is usually where you can find an undecorated, clear bag of cereal for 50 cents whereas the eye-level shelf houses the five dollar boxes with cartoon mascots.  I think if we believe all the evil wolf has to say, we buy into the thought that we are the 50 cent bags of cereal on the bottom shelf.  However, we try to convince/lie to others and ourselves that we are the five dollar boxes on the top shelf.  We cannot be effective salesmen if we do not believe in our products.

So, let’s all take a new trip together.  Or, as my son loves to say, let’s all go on an adventure together! Let’s make the evil wolf anorexic and feed the good wolf a big spoonful of much needed comfort food.  We have to be our biggest fans for the rest of the world to buy it.  I want each of us to tear up our evil wolf pieces of paper.  Put them in the paper shredder, burn them, let your dog eat them, etc.  They are no longer the words we will allow to be in our life’s constitutions.  Instead, we are going to amend our constitutions. We are going to take out new pieces of paper and write only what our voices of “joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion, and faith” have to say about the great “I am”.

Take a look at the picture at the top of the article.  Do you see the liar?  If you look for it, you will see it.  Abraham Lincoln was quoted as saying “When you look for the bad in mankind, expecting to find it, you surely will”.  We need to stop looking for what is bad within ourselves, because it is in there – just as with everyone else.   We need to stop lying to ourselves when we say that all we are made up of are negative, pessimistic, evil components.  We need to put the lies beneath to rest and raise the truth to the surface:  we are great people! 

The Mother Load

People who know me may be surprised to hear this confession, or those who know me really well may not – I am lazy.  If I were allowed, I would lie around endlessly watching TV marathons or movies.  I would eat pizza, drink loads of Coca-Cola and eat cupcakes and peanut M&Ms until I would slip away into a sugar/carb hangover.  Before I met my husband, I had become a workaholic to prevent my lazy side from winning the tug-a-war that always went on in my head.  I never minded it really, I enjoyed the challenge.  In fact, the night before I met my husband I confidently declared to my friends that I would be single the rest of my life, and I felt very comfortable with that being my fate.  Of course, fate had a different plan in mind for me.  I thought working 90 hours/week in New York would be enough for me.  I did not see being a wife and mother in my future, nor in my constitution. 

Being a mother, to me, is a sacred role and one I was rather certain I was not cut out to take on.  I have watched my mother and other mothers work so very hard at doing the millions of jobs that are under the umbrella of the word “mother”.  My mother was, and in many ways, still is, my nighttime storyteller, my lullaby singer,  my live in cook, my live in entertainer, my adventure planner, my arms of comfort, my cheerleader, my navigator, my voice of common sense, my teacher of manners, my lion tamer against my fears, my friendly voice amongst the noise of unfriendliness,  the Lincoln to my Douglas, my career-driven/educated/”I am woman, hear me roar” Feminist, our family holiday event planner, the Thanksgiving turkey chef, my comfort food Iron Chef, my fashionista shopping buddy, my movie-goer/popcorn-peanut M&M sharing Siskel to my Ebert, and book-club reading reviewer.  I could handle doing one job for 90 hours a week in a firm.  I could not, however, see myself taking on the thousands of jobs my mother did for me and our family. 

That’s the funny thing about being a mother.  You never feel you are prepared for it.  You never feel you are worthy of the angel God has entrusted to you.  You never feel you are enough.  Whatever your feelings are, they are not reciprocated by your children.  To them, you are the thousands of people all rolled into one glorious deity.  You are the one person they get to call “Mommy” the rest of your lives.  You get to have the coveted role in their life that cannot be replaced by an understudy.  You will make mistakes, but they will not remember.  They will remember the memories you created.  They will remember the fun and silliness, the adventures you took them on, and the trinket reminders of sounds and smells that will forever be associated with you.

My husband often says that children get to ask God who they want for their mother and that our children picked me.  I am so eternally grateful, every day, that they asked for me. I could have never have had the courage to ask for them, as they are far more precious and beautiful than I would have dared to dream. 

Being a mother is the ultimate of “Pay-it-Forward”.  As mothers, we get to give to our children what was given to us by our mothers.  I am no longer afraid of being a mother because I get to give to my children all the bounty my mother gave to me.  On this day, whether your mother is with you or is dancing with the angels, know that you have been given the ultimate gift God can bestow.  If you are a mother, whether it was born to you or granted to you, know that you were chosen by your angel children.  You are among the chosen, which is an even greater gift from God.  Happy Mother’s Day!!!