Tonight was a typical scene for a family. My husband is away on an overnight business trip and I am at home counting the milliseconds until the kids are in bed. I never have a plan for what to do once they are in bed, but it usually includes watching Law & Order reruns in what is one of my few hours of the week not dictated by play dates, cooking, cleaning, shopping or activity planning for the kids. My son was in a mood to push the envelope, as he seems to be when my husband is out of town, and was taking his time getting to the bathroom to get ready for bed. My patience had ended by the time we got into his bed for me to read him his nighttime book. I just wanted to finish the book and get out of the room to start my “me time”. He was in the mood to ask every question that came to mind upon closely observing every detail of every picture in the book I was reading. This is when it hit me, how awful and childish I was behaving.
My son is amazing to me. He is two months shy of turning four years old. He is very mature and well behaved so often, that I am spoiled when he acts up. It’s like rain coming down once a month after days of beautiful weather. I am unappreciative of the sunny days at the first sight of a raindrop. It’s an unfair attitude for me to have. There I am in my son’s bedroom – which is a glorious world of all things little boy – and I am treating him like a project that came in just before I was going to clock out for the day. I forget that he is a little boy and incapable of being mature at all hours of the day. I mean, Lord knows I am incapable of being mature at all hours of the day, so why not cut my boy some slack?
What are my expectations of my son? He is so flipping awesome for his age: learning to ride a bike without training wheels, able to speak German and English fluently, his recall of details and people, and his amazing ability to bake cupcakes without my help. Why would I expect even more of this amazing creature? Perhaps my expectations of him would be better if I would let up on the expectations I have of myself as well.
We all do this, don’t we? We have insane expectations of ourselves to the point that we no longer consider our humanity. We seem to feel we are super-human and can take all the demands we place upon ourselves – like a donkey going up a mountain with 20 suitcases. When I look back on my day today, I believe I had an opportunity to lie down and actually rest. However, at the time I thought I did not need it. I felt energized and was not even in need of an afternoon coffee. What I should have been able to predict is that, while, at that time I was giving the Energizer Bunny a run for its money, I should have saved my energy to be in a more grateful place for my son later on that day.
I think we all need to ease up on the job descriptions we place upon ourselves and embrace our flaws and limitations. We seem to feel we need to have the careers, houses, money, what have you – to deem ourselves productive. Why do we look at those 20 minutes of free time during the day and say, what else can I accomplish for the outside world rather than ask, what can I accomplish for ME? Remember me- the one who should come before everyone and everything else?
We need to give ourselves permission to ease up on the reins and allow some things in our life to go unplanned and unexpected. If we try to constantly force our expectations into our lives, like cramming a foot into a shoe that is the wrong size, then we are putting life’s blessings into a corner where we can’t see them. There is the possibility that I need to realize that Donna Reed cleaned a house wearing pearls and cooked enormous amounts of food all while keeping her cool because she was a fictional character. As a mother, I need to be present for me and my family, but I cannot if I am wearing myself out trying to live up to an ideology that cannot exist except in a 1950’s TV show.
I saw this comic the other day and thought it was a perfect ideal to remember:
It is hard to keep your children alive and healthy! You have to watch for all signs of illnesses, keep them hydrated, keep their diet full of nutrition and vitamins and keep them on a routine that allows them to get all the sleep their growing minds and bodies need. So why on earth do we need to put so many expectations on ourselves to churn out these super busy, ambitious children? Why do we feel we need to be more as a parent than we are? Why don’t we all pat ourselves on the back and say “Good job!” and sit back and just breath and revel in our glory. Perhaps then, we can enjoy all the great moments in life that come in the best unplanned and unexpected packages. Otherwise, we end up making our lives equal to that of a donkey, otherwise known as an ass. J
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