Do you ever get to the end of your day and are hit with the reality that your day was designated to everyone else but you? Usually, the first thing that comes to mind when we wake up is what time it is and the second is the fear that we are late for someone else. Often we are at the demands of others. Whether it is our children, spouses, partners, or the deadlines and expectations of our careers, we easily fall into a routine of neglecting our own demands and needs. When we make our to-do lists, usually others take top priority and we are at the bottom, if we make the list at all. So, what do we need to do to get bumped up to first?
As children we are encouraged, enabled, in fact, to be self-centered and strive for our ambitions. We are the one and only priority on our to-do lists. Yet, somewhere along the way there is a paradigm shift. As we enter adulthood armed with our education, diplomas, certifications, etc., we move to the end of the line. Our daily ambition to be self-centered gets interrupted. Even as I write this article, I am interrupted by my bosses – my children. As my children take center stage, once again, to my focus and concentration, I wonder what interrupts our ability to be at center stage in our own focus and concentration. What interrupts our inner-selves and souls?
Of course, being interrupted by my little angels is par for the course of being a parent and is totally what I signed on for. Just as it is when we take our jobs. But as we coast along in our positions as parents and employees, we forget to put on the brakes and breathe. If you are like me, you over think everything and get swallowed up by striving to meet the expectations you and others put on you to do the best job you can. While this is admirable and rewarding, whether we have little angel bosses or a CEO, there is nobody striving to meet our demands. If we are always thinking of others, and the others are always thinking of themselves, then who is thinking about us? We have to find a way to retrace our steps in life and get back to some basics in order to take priority in our lives. I love the movie “The Holiday” when the charming Eli Wallach and the gorgeous Kate Winslet have a conversation that allows Kate to come to the realization that we need to be lead actor in our own lives, not a supporting actor.
In order for me to be a lead actor in my life, I need to make some changes. While the larger changes are something that will take time, I have found there are some minor changes I can make in order to reconnect with what sustains me. As a kid growing up in Texas - the state where the weather is hot and hotter – I was always outdoors and in motion. I would dance in ballet or on a drill team, I was a cheerleader, and was always finding a chance to go swimming and bike riding. As a teenager, one of my favorite things to do was go for long bike rides along the country roads that ran north of where we lived. I would go for long stretches along beautiful scenery and would just feel completely connected to my core. Later, before landing my coveted role as wife and mother to Team Katzenberger, I would do yoga almost daily or run outdoors or on a treadmill to train for a marathon. Now that I have been swept up into the amazing worlds of my dear prince and princess, it’s been a bit difficult for me to find time to keep in motion save for running after my kids up and down the stairs and doing baby swimming classes. My fortune of living in Germany is that everyone here bike rides everywhere. So my darling husband and children gave me a beautiful bike for my birthday. Now, I can strap my little one into a bike seat and do a nice long ride around the countryside where we live and, once again, reconnect to my core.
Maya Angelou wrote “Make every effort to change things you do not like. If you cannot make a change, change the way you have been thinking. You might find a new solution.” I don’t think our bosses and demanding schedule eaters are going away anytime soon. So, we must think outside the schedule in order to revamp and edit to allow us more soul time. I don’t mean watching endless hours of television or movies, because this is something in which we are not always cognitively engaged. I mean, what makes us feel like we are the only person in the world, what makes us smile without even realizing it, and what makes us feel energized and alive? I challenge myself and all of you to go down memory lane and revisit what connected you to your soul. Upon finding these answers, pen in some much needed time in your busy schedule for you and your past self to get reacquainted.
Remember, you have to come first for the rest of your world to work. Just as a building cannot be built upon a weak foundation, or why adults have to put their oxygen masks on first before their children’s’ (or bosses), you have to put you first in order to help others effectively. I hope to see all of you at the Academy Awards as we take the Oscar for best lead actor in our lives!
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